having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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