I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
