definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
