i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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