guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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