I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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