can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Dicks are not precious.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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