So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My ass is underappreciated
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
