That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
