so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
