love makes seman taste better
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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