i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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