Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
