he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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