Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Congratulations! We have a period
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
