they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
