I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
