I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We need a shit load of segways right now
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
