Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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