I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
