the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize