let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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