Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
