oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You were trust falling into bushes
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
