is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i wish my penis had a tongue
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
