I need help removing her.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
