U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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