Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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