i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
