Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
