i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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