Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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