So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
