So drunk its hurt
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
