Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize