Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
