Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
