Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
