Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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