You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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