two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
send nudes
from the living room?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
