to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
