I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
