We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
