so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
