i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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