im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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