I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
