If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
