My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
