Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
