I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
