I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
