The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
