first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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