..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
