I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
