thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Randomize
