dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize