I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
