SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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