When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
