The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
