Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
