Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
