those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
