I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize