just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
