Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
