we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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