he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize