morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
3 2 1 whiskey
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
