my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
