I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
