no, he came in my armpit
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
