weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
