the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize