Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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