So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
