omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
